Writings of Recovery

The Inner Abacus

My mother had an incredible sense of style. She dressed herself beautifully and maintained a showroom home. Tucked in a corner of her living room, she had a large wooden abacus, the size of a toddler, with chalk painted wooden balls the size of ping pong balls. It fit perfectly with her Asian influence decor. It did not dawn on me at the time that it also served as invitation toward inner balance.

The frame of the abacus provided stability and structure. Standing strong and built to hold all the things. Without the frame, everything scatters. For me, the frame represents the principles, tools, and steps needed to maintain emotional sobriety.

The rods of the abacus host the core areas in my life. Each rod needs time, intention, and attention to stay strong and not splinter, break, or shatter. Emotional wellness. Physical wellness. Relationship with others, with self, and with Higher Power. Purpose and service to others. Rest and relaxation. Creativity and expression. Growth and learning. Financial security and stewardship. Environment and surrounding.

The beads. The beautiful beads. My mom’s abacus had beads of many colors. My inner abacus beads are the same. Each bead represents my thoughts, my feelings, my decisions. Moving them is an act of awareness, or not. If I respond or react. Healing happens. One bead at a time.