Writings of Recovery

I Know What It’s Like To Have Two Faces

I don’t need you; I have everything/together/we get better.

Two faces? That’s it? Just two? I can show you many more faces than that. How about the ‘SuperGirl’ face? The face that says, “I’ve got it all together.” Whatever is asked of me, I will say ‘yes’. I will make sure I do it better than anyone else and ask for more. You will say, ‘she’s amazing! How does she have the capacity to do it all?’ I not only manage my life, but endeavor to manage yours as well, all in love, of course.

How about the ‘victim’ face? The one where I tell the tale of my woes, past and present. Focusing on my problems and not the solution. Eyes watery; lower lip protruding; cheeks flushed. Seeking compassion, sympathy, and rescue from everyone else besides my Higher Power and me.

Then there’s the ‘reactive’ face. The face that appears for a split second before I can cover it with ‘SuperGirl’. This face can reflect anything within whole range of the emotion wheel for an instant before it becomes obscured by my well crafted mask.

I can go on and on, but will end with this one. The face I yearn for the most, but am not able to maintain for any length of time. My face at complete peace, trust, and surrender to my Higher Power. There are moments when it all comes together and everything, everyone, makes sense. Tension in my neck, jaw, and brow all ease and erase. My breath deepens and releases, I feel at one. I like this face. I think I will try to wear it for today.