Writings of Recovery

Dear Second Guessing-

I am not quite sure when you came into my life and took residence in my head. You were so subtle, so quiet, so sly.

I used to have a terrific relationship with First Guessing. I think you came home with us one night after the school dance? You added your own whispers and mumblings into First Guessing and my conversation. Things like…”but, does he really like you? You saw how he was dancing with Sari… Maybe you are not pretty enough or popular enough for him. Maybe you should just stop pursuing someone above your level.”

I don’t recall First Guessing’s countering, so I followed your lead.

Next thing I knew, you had become a part of every conversation I had with anyone. Your presence. Your tone. Your cadence. Your energy. Stronger. More forceful, until I was paralysed from doing anything until you had exhausted yourself, which rarely happened.

I don’t know when you had yourself cloned, but like the character out of the movie, ‘Multiplicity’, each version of the original was a little more distorted. So, Second Guessing became 3rd, 4th, etc.

No consistency except for chaos. So I guess there was consistency. Consistent chaos.

For Today, I have come to listen for the voice that is above all others. The voice of my Higher Power who guides me to trust and not second guess, because no matter the choice, Higher Power will be there with me and for me.

I am free from the paralysis of fear and indecision.

I am free from the hollow loyalty I had for you simply because we have been together such a long time.

I am ready to say goodbye to you, Second Guessing, and your extended relatives. I place my trust in one who has earned it.

Rest well. Peace.