Writings of Recovery

CHANGE

‘The only thing constant in life is change’. -Heraclitus

This truth that everything in life changes bucks up against the truth that I set comfort and security as my idols. To remain comfortable and secure, I make my world small so I can control it.  The rest, I ‘check out’ through escape/dissociation via various avenues. 

BUT… the moving parts of life keep intruding my space and disrupting my zone. So rude. I fight back by doubling/tripling down on my dysfunctional patterns to cope, when, suddenly,  a separate energy rises up within and behaviors/actions beyond my control take over.

What the hell is going on? The pain of this. The confusion over this. The suffering.

Something has to change.

Someone has to change. I realize that one is ME. NOOOOOO!!!!!

Step One: ‘We admitted we were powerless over ____, that our lives had become unmanageable.’

CHANGE

Step Two: ‘Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.’

I can’t. God can.

CHANGE

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I can’t. God can. I think I will let God.

CHANGE

Once I get comfortable feeling uncomfortable…

Wait, what? How did that slip in there?? That’s not step Four! Or is it…

Once I get comfortable feeling uncomfortable….

Through working the steps and using the tools of recovery, I start to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. I become aware of my distorted thinking and become willing to allow Higher Power to heal what needs healing, to align what needs aligning, to recover what needs recovering. 

A warrior spirit arises in me and I am ready to kick my disease to the curb. Your time is up, MFer! It’s game over for you!

I continue to pursue recovery to the level of my awareness, daily praying for increased awareness and willingness, to become more comfortable with the discomfort of recovery/growth/transformation/change.

I come to realize that the chronic pain of disease/addiction/dysfunction hurts way more than the acute pain of recovery/growth/transformation/change.

I begin to shift how I see my disease. What was once viewed with disgust, shame, and hatred, I develop a deeper understanding, and accept with incredible gratitude that if it weren’t for this disease/disorder, the pain of the fear that brought me to the door, I would have never been introduced to this incredibly blessed life I have come to embrace as my own. This life that is centered on the spiritual principles of the 12 steps.

Once I get comfortable feeling uncomfortable, it’s not game over, it’s GAME ON!

CHANGE